I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
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