you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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