you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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