You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
