There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
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It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
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Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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