So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
