doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
