me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
