I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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