We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
A+ Viking dick
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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