I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
