haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
