when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
