For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
