She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
