"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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