So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
