A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
