meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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