I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
