I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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