Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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