well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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