How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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