Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
