fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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