Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
