I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
