i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
