i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
