but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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