I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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