I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Randomize