If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
