Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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