You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
