Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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