Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
