Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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