I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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