i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
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We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
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I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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