did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
17 year olds will be the death of me.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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