Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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