My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
