Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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