bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
