i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
