I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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