talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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