Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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