Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
