What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize