she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Mom said you looked used
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
