So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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