im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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