okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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