Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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