i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
