on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
