420 ftw
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
