just tell him i said nine months
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
