walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
