Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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