Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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