My brain says no but my pants say off.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
