Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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